Has your boyfriend started calling you “mommy”? Do you feel confused when he refers to you as his mother figure while you are dating? Many girlfriends have experienced their boyfriend calling them “mommy” unexpectedly.
This article will explore 13 possible reasons your partner is calling you mommy. Some of these reasons include he thinks you are sexy, have a background with maternal issues, or wants to see your reaction.
The article will also give tips on what to say and do if his mommy references make you feel awkward. By the end, you’ll better understand why he says this word and how to express yourself if it bothers you. Let’s go through it!
Possible Reasons Your Boyfriends Call You Mommy
1. He has mommy issues
Your boyfriend may call you mommy due to unresolved feelings about his mother. He might fixate on you as a caring, motherly figure if he had a difficult childhood.
This kind of obsession is called an “Oedipus complex.” If being his mommy substitute makes you uncomfortable, don’t feel you must play this role.
Express that while you care about him, you prefer he calls you by your name or “babe.” Remind him gently that you are his girlfriend, not his mother, when spending time together.
2. He likes mature women
Maybe your boyfriend finds older, motherly women attractive. If you have a nurturing personality and physical maturity, he may associate you with a mom.
While unusual, this doesn’t mean he loves you any less than his girlfriend. But if mommy references still bother you, say something.
Let him know politely that constant mother talk makes you uneasy when trying to feel close as a couple. Suggest cute nicknames you both like instead.
3. He grew up without a mom
Your partner might idealize motherhood after childhood loss. Growing up without his mom can make a boyfriend desperate for that bond.
Dating you might fill this void, sparking over-the-top “mommy” terms of endearment. But setting boundaries is acceptable if this parenthood play makes you uncomfortable. Remind him lovingly you are here as his girlfriend first. Parenthood can wait til you both feel fully ready.
4. He fantasizes about stepmom
Fantasizing about “taboo” stepmoms is unfortunately common for some men. If you resemble his stepmother in either looks or personality, your boyfriend may project this fantasy onto you.
Let him know if acting out this Oedipal mother scenario makes you uneasy. Suggest more positive nicknames that affirm you as a current girlfriend versus an imaginary stepmom.
5. He thinks it’s sexy
Some guys like it when role-play gets kinky. Your boyfriend may think calling you mommy sounds playful and sexy. Or he wants to show affection by exalting you as an all-powerful female figure. If this makes you uncomfortable, though, speak up.
Suggest more subtle nicknames you both enjoy instead. Don’t overthink his intent. Focus on feeling safe first before deciding to go with the flow.
6. You call him daddy
When you call your man daddy, he may habitually say mommy back. This tit-for-tat response is his playful way of showing endearment.
But if you don’t like being called mommy, politely make that precise next time. Remind him what mature nicknames you prefer instead of your caring partner.
7. He wants you to control him
Your boyfriend’s mommy talk could signal he wants you as the dominant one sexually. Referring to you as an authoritative maternal figure may be his kinky way of saying, “Take control!” But if playing this role makes you uneasy, let him know.
Say you’re open to discussing what makes you both feel comfortable. Suggest more subtle ways to show he cares without unrealistic role-play expectations.
8. You resemble his mom
If you look or act like your boyfriend’s actual mom, he may unconsciously call you mommy. Freud dubbed this the “Oedipus complex” – when men desire partners resembling their mothers. But that connection probably makes you uncomfortable.
Reassure him that while you care deeply, referring to you as “mother” when getting intimate feels very awkward. Redirect by asking him to call you by your real name instead of in the future.
9. You’re pregnant
If you’re expecting, your boyfriend may excitedly call you mommy as practice. But constantly being called mommy before birth may feel overwhelming.
Tell him sweetly that while you know he cares, you aren’t momma yet. It might be a good idea to suggest he call you something else as a term of endearment. Parenthood will come soon enough without stressing over names!
10. He’s kinky
Kinky boyfriends do quirky things like saying mommy during sex. But if this makes you think, “I’m not your mommy!” speak up. Explain that being called mommy kills the romance and makes you uncomfortable.
A caring boyfriend will stop or flip to more subtle pet names you both like instead. Keep communicating so you can enjoy your intimate, long-term relationship.
11. He thinks it’s respectful
Your man might believe calling you mommy shows ultimate respect. But terms of endearment shouldn’t cause discomfort. If mommy sounds too tender for your taste, politely make that clear.
Suggest grown-up nicknames still saying “I care” without seeming childish or role-playish. Thank him for trying while redirection to language you find more appropriate.
12. He wants a reaction
Some guys call you mommy to get a reaction. But you don’t have to entertain this frat boy habit. Firmly yet nicely ask him to call you by your name instead going forward.
If he keeps calling you mommy to tease you, he likely craves attention, not romance. Consider if this immaturity spells trouble for a future lifelong partner.
13. He behaves like a child
An overly childish boyfriend may call you mommy to highlight youthfulness. But if you don’t feel like parenting your partner, politely speak up.
Help encourage growth by reminding him that you always try to relate as romantic equals, not mother and son. Suggest more mature terms like “babe” or “darling” instead so he remembers you prefer dating grown-up boyfriends ready for real romance.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Calls You Mommy
Tell him your feelings
If being called mommy makes you think, “I don’t want that!” don’t stay silent. Politely speak up about precisely what you feel when he says this. Avoid overreacting, though.
Calmly explain why you don’t want to be called mommy and suggest you prefer nicknames. Make your feelings clear without escalation so he knows this term doesn’t feel like a compliment.
Plan role play scenes
If your boyfriend is into fantasy role-play, see if planning scenes helps. Explore what mommy/daddy talk empowers or bothers you beforehand.
Discuss boundaries so you can fully enjoy playing pretend roles when the time comes. Advanced consent can prevent unintended discomfort down the road.
Call him daddy back
Try casually calling your boyfriend “daddy” before overreacting to his “mommy” habit. See if this flirty flip makes him get the hint you want sexy versus parental nicknames.
Lead by positive example, showing what spicy yet endearing names make you feel seen as a girlfriend versus a mother figure.
Notice other behaviors
Don’t fixate only on name-calling if something else bothers you more. Notice if unrelated habits like leaving messes or flaking on plans feel immature. If calling you mommy reflects deeper issues with an acting grown-up, tackle the root causes.
Explain how supporting each other’s needs makes you feel cared for in a realistic adult relationship. Redirect energy to enhance intimacy without awkward role play.
Be more dominative
If you suspect your boyfriend calls you mommy because he likes submitting in bed, take charge to test this theory. Surprise him by being more dominant to see if it satisfies his kink.
Lead with confidence until you intuitively feel his signals of arousal or discomfort. Pushing this envelope together can enable open communication about needs and boundaries. Discover what energizes your intimate life without awkward mommy/daddy hangups.
Correct him
If gentle redirection doesn’t work, get blunt. The next time he calls you mommy, sternly yet calmly say something like, “I’m not your mama; I’m your girlfriend. Please call me by my name moving forward.”
Be direct so he knows you mean business. If he still calls you mommy after being corrected clearly, he likely has deeper issues requiring counsel.
Consider timing
Reflect on when this mommy name-calling started. Did an event trigger it, like moving in together or entering a deeper committed phase?
Understanding context might help decode intention. Perhaps “mommy” is his awkward way of signaling he cares deeply and wants to make this very serious—talk timing and turning points to express mutual feelings better.
See a counselor
If no amount of correction curbs your boyfriend’s motherly references, seek help decoding this behavior. A couples’ counselor can mediate an open discussion about why he fixates on the mommy role.
Is this a harmless fetish or an unhealthy complex? Get an expert to determine if a couple’s therapy could help build a healthier bond.
Final Thoughts
A boyfriend calling you mommy may signal complex feelings like childhood issues, attraction to maturity, or kinks requiring power play. But ultimately, no one else can define which pet names make you feel loved.
Don’t hesitate to draw boundaries because he’s much older or you’re living together. A caring, committed partner will respect what wouldn’t make you comfortable.
So, speak up when his words don’t convey how much he cares. After an open and honest chat, you should better understand one another’s relationship needs.
