Short Answer: No, it is generally not considered cheating if you hook up with someone else while “on a break” in your relationship, but only if you have clearly discussed and agreed to this with your partner beforehand.
Have you and your partner decided to take a break from your relationship? If so, you probably have a lot of questions.
What exactly does “on a break” mean? Can you see or sleep with other people during this time apart? And is it considered cheating if you do?
To a certain degree, the answer is that it’s not appropriate or wise to hook up with someone during a break in your relationship, as it will cause more problems in your bond unless you have a clear rule or agreement with your partner regarding this matter beforehand.
However, these are all typical concerns when a couple decides they need space. Taking a break can bring up confusing feelings. You might feel hurt, rejected, or even angry at your partner for asking for one. Or you may feel relieved at having some time to yourself.
Whatever emotions come up are okay. The most important thing is that both people understand what the break entails.
This article explores why couples take relationship breaks, guidelines for setting mutually understood rules around intimacy or contacting others during the break, and appropriate things to do and not to do.
So, before starting your relationship break, talk openly and honestly. Explain what you want or need during this time apart. Then, you can decide what counts as cheating and what crosses the line. Doing this will help avoid more pain in an already tough situation. Let’s dive in.
Why Do People Choose to Take a Break in a Relationship?
Here are a few common reasons one or both partners might want a break in your relationship.
To Work on Themselves
Often, people choose to take a break when they feel like they have lost themselves in a monogamous relationship. They want time to think, focus on their goals, and improve their day. If this is the case, discuss what that means and how long your partner needs. Agree on check-ins while you have this time apart.
Timing Issues
If the break is due to timing issues like being too young or external stressors like school/work pressure, talk about the plan. Is this an officially broken-up break until those issues are resolved? Knowing the expected outcome can help you decide if it’s right to ride it out.
No matter the reason for the break, setting clear rules and terms upfront is key. This helps avoid confusing situations – like one partner assuming they can get with someone else while the other feels that’s cheating during a relationship break. Open communication about what you both want can help prevent unnecessary pain.
Long Distance Relationships
Long-distance relationships can be challenging. But a break doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over – it might just be a chance to step back and see if you’re better equipped to handle the distance after some time apart.
Be clear if dating someone else during the break is considered infidelity. And agree upon check-ins so you know where the other person stands.
If one partner realizes they need a break to end things for good, it’s better to have that tough conversation rather than stringing someone along.
Complicated Situations
When situations outside the relationship make things messy – like a partner having a child with an ex – one or both people might go on a break. This can relieve the complications and clarify if being together is correct.
But just because you’re on a break from your regular relationship doesn’t mean standard faithfulness rules don’t apply. Decide if seeing other people during this time is off-limits. That way, no one will feel betrayed.
And as always, set a timeframe and future check-ins. That ensures the break serves a purpose rather than making an undefined limbo that is unlikely to resolve the issues at hand.
Rules for Being “On a Break”
Define What A Break Means
Breaks can range from officially breaking up to needing time to work on a few things. Clarify if you’re still in a relationship during this period or taking time to stay together. And explain what your hopes are – do you need space for hurt feelings to heal? Or are you ready to take the next step and date other people?
Aligning the meaning prevents old trends where women tend to think in terms of intimacy and men in terms of physical intimacy. Make sure you both define fidelity the same way rather than making assumptions.
Set Ground Rules
An essential aspect of setting boundaries before taking a break is deciding what crosses the line. Can you date or become physically intimate with others during this time? Doing so without explicit permission from your partner is considered breaking relationship rules.
Ideally, cover these key areas in your ground rules discussion:
- Physical intimacy with others – permitted or not?
- Dating apps, flirting, sexting – okay or off limits?
- What areas are dealbreakers if crossed?
- Agreed upon check-ins during the break
Setting these expectations upfront prevents hurt feelings and confusion if one partner unexpectedly breaks the rules later on. You both should agree on what’s allowed before going your separate ways.
Agree on Check-ins
Schedule check-ins to discuss your respective positions. This ensures that one person isn’t caught off guard if the other wants to end the relationship.
Check-ins also help provide clarity if anyone crosses boundaries. For example, if one partner had sex with someone else during the break. Was that discussed as permitted behavior or considered cheating if you’re still together?
Regular check-ins eliminate assumptions, help make your day smoother, and allow you to reevaluate whether the time-out serves its purpose. You can then decide if it’s time to reunite or break up.
Set a Time Limit
While a relationship break can relieve issues, an undefined or lengthy separation usually prolongs the inevitable. Set a time limit – say 2 weeks or a month – for the break when you initiate it.
Honor that timeframe as a period for self-reflection and evaluating your priorities. Ultimately, meet and determine the next steps rather than allowing limbo in which no one makes a move.
Having an end date gives you both clarity that the break is temporary and something to look forward to. Otherwise, it’s too easy to fall into an unclear pattern that leaves you questioning and prevents you from properly healing.
Do’s and Don’ts While on a Break
Do’s:
Focus on Yourself
When taking a temporary break, avoid the urge to focus on your partner or overanalyze why you need the time apart. Instead, focus on yourself by making some positive changes.
Start that account on TikTok you’ve been wanting to or take up a new hobby – things to keep your mind and body active.
Engaging in self-care and activities alone lets you evaluate how whole and happy you can feel alone. This helps clarify when you later decide to go separate ways or reunite. Keeping yourself occupied prevents you from fixating on what your ex might be up to during the break.
Keep Busy
Spend time with close friends who support you during this period of taking some time from your relationship. Let them know you need a little extra cheer. Ask if they’d be willing to check in regularly so you have someone keeping you accountable.
Staying busy and setting clear boundaries will make the break possible, and it might be exactly what you require to improve things – whether that means ultimately getting back together or not.
Journal
Journaling is an excellent tool for self-reflection during a break, especially if the time apart is to evaluate your priorities.
Write about what initially attracted you, the qualities you admire in your partner, the state of the relationship before the break, and what you feel you need right now that you weren’t getting.
Putting your complicated thoughts and feelings on paper can help clarify and identify the key issues to address whether you stay separated or reunite.
Don’ts:
Date/Hook Up Without Discussion
Establishing clear expectations before getting intimate with others while on a break is essential. Assuming it’s okay to sleep with someone else without prior approval from your partner is considered cheating in most cases. Don’t pull the “we were on a break” excuse later. Discuss these boundaries first.
Use Break to Punish
While a relationship break can provide perspective, please don’t use it to get back at your partner for past issues. Taking time apart to work on the relationship is productive; doing so purely to make them jealous or upset usually backfires. You may be the one who regrets it if you do end up with another guy.
Make Big Life Changes
Trying to force your partner’s hand by suddenly moving cities or taking a vastly different job because “we’re on break” rarely ends well.
While some space can be good, turning your whole life upside down is unfair when you plan to reconvene later. Focus simply on basics like hobbies and friend time. Save extensive career or location changes for once you’ve officially broken up.
After the Break
Decide if You Should Reunite
When the agreed-upon break period ends, meet up to discuss the next steps. Bring your journals, if you kept them, to reference. Share what you learned and evaluate what you missed and what still needs work.
If you both ultimately decide to give the relationship another shot, make sure you’re getting back together for the right reasons – not just from missing each other or fear of change. Consider if the issues leading to the break can realistically be resolved long-term by both people.
Slowly Rebuild Trust
If you reunite after the break, take things slowly when rebuilding intimacy and trust. Small gestures like a surprise date night can go a long way—reserve labels like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” again until you establish that same stability.
Actions speak louder than words, so prove through consistent behavior that you’re willing to compromise and satisfy what the other person needs this time around. Reassure them of your dedication to communicating better and preventing needing another break.
Discuss Any Hook Ups
If either partner becomes intimate with someone else during the break, if you get back together, have an open and honest dialogue.
Listen without judgment and work together to address any feelings of jealousy or hurt. You may even consider consulting a neutral third party, like a relationship coach or counselor, to help move forward healthily.
Final Thoughts
Taking a break in your relationship can bring relief but raises many questions about fidelity. The most important tip is openly talking with your partner before choosing therapy time apart.
Establish what is permitted and would be considered cheating. Assuming you can sleep with someone else while on a break without prior discussion almost always ends poorly.
Set check-ins so you know where you both stand, as often a break might provide the space needed to heal. Other times, it makes you realize the relationship has run its course.
If you do reunite, take it slowly and address any hurt feelings resulting from the terms of the break. Consult a therapist directory if you need help moving forward. Define the guidelines upfront and regularly check in during the time apart.
This prevents confusion if one person assumes “we were on a break” means the rules don’t apply. Clarity provides the space you both likely need.
