Have you ever caught feelings for an ex who’s started dating the person they cheated on you with? That sinking feeling in your gut when you find out the news – it’s enough to spin anyone’s head.
This article will talk through why this might have happened. And importantly, how can you take back power over the sitch, whether you want them back or would instead move onwards and upwards?
The article will explore 9 common reasons why your ex may have started that new relationship after your breakup. Hint – it’s likely not 100% about you but somewhat influenced by other factors. The good news? Whichever path feels right – you’ve so got this. Let’s walk through it together!
Why Your Ex is Dating the Person They Cheated On You With
1. Unresolved Feelings with Your Ex Cheating Ex
So your ex started dating the person they cheated on you with. Ouch, salt on the wound! This likely means your ex still had unresolved feelings for this person during your relationship.
Maybe your ex felt trapped or obligated to stay with you post-cheating but still longed to pursue this fresh connection. When you broke up, it gave them the chance they thought they needed.
Or if you also cheated, they may have felt betrayed enough to leave you to date the other person exclusively.
2. The New Person Pursued Your Ex
Of course, it takes two to tango. Oddly, the new person also pursued your ex vigorously before and/or after your breakup. Maybe they gave tons of attention, compliments, and promises about the future together.
This likely fed your ex’s ego and desire. Starting a new relationship during the emotional rush of breakup and betrayal probably felt exciting, fun, and distracted from the pain.
In the full bloom of new love and passion, your ex might believe they’ll never want or find anyone better than this person who wooed them.
3. Material Reasons Behind Your Ex’s Betrayal
For some, practical reasons strongly motivate relationship decisions – like money and lifestyle. Perhaps the new dating prospect offers the financial security your ex craves.
Maybe the person showers your ex with fancy trips, gifts, and stays at five-star hotels. That’s hard for many to pass up.
Or if the new person has social clout, career connections, famous friends, etc., that benefit your ex, they likely can’t resist linking up.
4. The New Person Turned Your Cheating Ex Against You
In some cases, the person your ex cheated with likely spun details about you and your relationship that turned your ex against you.
Maybe this new person claimed you also cheated. Or they could have twisted past situations, using gaslighting tactics to cast you in a bad light.
If your ex was already feeling distant and unhappy, receiving external validation that the issues were your fault probably made leaving for another relationship seem warranted.
5. Greater Compatibility Drew Your Ex to the New Person
Chemistry and compatibility may have been stronger with this new dating prospect. Your ex might feel they share more interests, communicate better, argue less frequently, and “get” each other effortlessly.
When a shiny new guy makes your ex feel seen and understood in ways you didn’t, it can lead to doubting the existing relationship.
6. Your Relationship Was Already Struggling Before the Cheating
Be honest – if your relationship was rock solid, fulfilled, and fighting-free, the odds of cheating drop dramatically. So, if your ex started dating the person they cheated with, your relationship likely had cracks beforehand.
Maybe you weren’t ready to settle down, and they desperately wanted that. Or ongoing issues gradually eroded closeness over time. When someone helped pick up the emotional pieces, crossing boundaries became more tempting for your ex.
7. The New Person Really Helped Your Ex Out
When someone extends a kind, helping hand during a time of need, it builds immense appreciation and affection.
Maybe this new dating prospect listened patiently while your ex poured their heart out about relationship problems or other issues.
Or if your ex was going through hard times like a job loss, illness, or family crisis, this person’s support could have brought comfort.
Acts of service and genuine care often lead to strong emotional bonds, which can pave the way to seeing someone in an idealized, romantic light.
8. Your Ex Feels They Found Someone Who Doesn’t Judge
When you go through relationship woes, a common desire is to find someone who accepts you despite past mistakes.
Your ex may feel this new dating prospect is more open-minded and doesn’t judge harshly for the cheating or shaky relationship history.
Rather than criticizing, this person makes your ex feel safe, heard, and loved for who they are. That powerful feeling of validation can be intoxicating.
9. The New Person Is Respected by Others
Dating someone well-liked and respected by family, friends, and the community feeds the ego and heart. Your ex probably basks in the positive halo effect.
Maybe this new dating prospect has social clout, comes from a “good family,” volunteers locally, or donates generously – earning public admiration.
Or the person treats your ex amazingly well in front of others, scoring points for thoughtfulness and gentlemanly behavior.
The social approval and envy likely help your ex feel confident they made the right move forward after heartbreak.
What To Do If You Want Your Ex Back
Become The Best Version Of Yourself
It’s cliché advice, but seriously – work on being your best self, inside and out. Maybe you contributed issues before, or could have done better. Own that.
Commit to positive personal growth – hit the gym, read more, develop new skills for school or your career, and volunteer. Becoming someone who doesn’t just talk but acts will help prove you’re ready for a relationship.
When your ex sees the light about how much you’ve matured into a good guy and better person, they may want you back.
Show You Still Care In Thoughtful Ways
Small but meaningful gestures demonstrating you still care can melt an ex’s heart. Send flowers or something that reminds your ex of an inside joke.
Use mutual contacts to find helpful information. Maybe your ex has seemed stressed at work lately, or your family is doing great. Use it to make their day brighter.
Just don’t go overboard trying too hard to show love. Play it cool and give them space sometimes, too.
Don’t Get Bitter or Try To Make Them Feel Guilty
Your ego may scream at you to lash out about betrayal. But don’t vent anger or try guilt-tripping. It will only push them away more.
Be the rebound guy who can stay chill, doesn’t talk wrong about their new boo, and keeps communication open. Staying on good terms makes it more likely they’ll second guess, leaving you down the road. Kill them with kindness.
Wish Them Happiness – And Ask For Another Shot
Sure, seeing your ex dating the person they cheated with stings. But avoid guilt-tripping or demanding another chance right away.
Sometimes, people make questionable choices when hurt, lonely, or trying to fix heartbreak quickly. That doesn’t mean they don’t care at all.
Send a message wishing them happiness while making it clear that you believe you two could have an even deeper connection if they come back into your life.
Ask gently if they’d reconsider giving your love another shot. They may realize that they have done something rash.
Stir Up Jealousy To Get Your Ex Thinking
If asking directly for another chance is too hard, stir up jealousy instead. Post fun times out with friends looking happy on social media.
Show your ex you can have an incredible life without needing anyone romantically right now.
If you mutually know attractive prospects expressing interest in you, find ways to put that on your ex’s radar subtly. But don’t get together with someone new to make them jealous.
Plant the seeds that make your ex second guess if they still want a relationship with you without the other person. The FOMO might win!
What To Do If You Want To Move On
Stop Checking Their Social Media
Constantly stalking who your ex is with, what they’re posting, and overanalyzing it all keeps the pain fresh. Unfollow, unfriend, block if you resist “just a quick check.” Out of sight can lead to out of mind.
Put Yourself Back Out There
When you’re ready, consider dating again to shift focus to new possibilities. Keep it casual with no pressure at first. Whether you have chemistry or it isn’t good, it still gets you outside your head.
Throw Yourself into Leveling Up
Dive fully into self-improvement goals like your education path, passion projects on the side, or killing it at work to get that promotion. Staying busy building the future you want paves the road to feeling fulfilled without an ex.
Plan A Life-Affirming Getaway
Jet off on a solo adventure or relaxing retreat to immerse yourself in new experiences that don’t remind you of ex-issues. Come back feeling refreshed and ready to live it up. A mental reset gives a helpful perspective.
Spend Quality Time With Those Who Care About You
Lean on supportive friends and family to get a morale boost. Positive people in your corner validate that you have so much worth beyond any ex.
Laugh over inside jokes, reminisce over childhood photos, play board games – whatever helps you feel anchored in loyalty and know your people have your back.
Learn a New Skill For Your Personal Growth
Sign up for those art classes, sports rec league, or coding boot camp you’ve always thought about but put off.
Not only will staying active reduce time to mope about ex-drama, but you’ll also build confidence in mastering novel hobbies.
Contribute Your Time To Those In Need
Lend your time and compassion to volunteer work like serving food, mentoring kids, or helping animals.
Channeling energy into acts of service gets you outside problems and makes a real difference to others. You’ll beam feeling like a happy, helpful human again.
Final Thoughts
Seeing an ex with the person they cheated with stings a lot. It makes you feel confused and frustrated. Most importantly, focus on loving yourself! Put energy into people and things that make you happy.
Stay true to what matters to you. If trust was broken, be sad, then forgive so you can move forward. This won’t ruin your whole life.
You deserve to write an excellent next chapter surrounded by support and healthy relationships that help you thrive.
